You are all the colors in one, at full brightness.

If you were wondering what that phrase means, well, it is my favorite quote from my favorite book so far, "All the bright places". It basically says that when we are in love, we think of our special person as something that adds up a hundred colors and sparkles to our life. Just as how white light is created.

I must admit that even when we were no longer together and I was having a bad time trying to understand what happened between us, even when I wouldn´t like to say it, you were the only person that I could think of. Because my sweet boy, you changed my life forever.

I´m half asleep right now, but isn´t it true that when you are almost sleeping you experience emotions at their highest peak?

If that is true, I hope I can free myself through my words. Because hiding them won´t make them go away.

I have been thinking a lot about my decisions during the past months. I thought about my unfinished book and about all those pretty tiny stories that lay in my neglected pink journal, I thought about what should I do with them. I have also been thinking about what will I do the next year and what will happen when I have to go to college. I have been questioning myself and trying to put all the pieces together in a way that made sense to me. I ended up reaching to my backpack for a pen and a notebook to write it all. 

Yesterday morning I was sitting at a table with my friends and out of the blue you popped into my thoughts and I noticed that it had been a month since you went after your goal, and I told this to one of my friends. After that, I couldn´t stop thinking about you, but this time it was different as usual. Not in a mystical way, not in a painful one, I wasn´t mad at all... I was thinking of you as a flawed human. I was thinking of the good days we had together and how they were worth it all. I was thinking about how grateful and happy I was for at least having the opportunity to get to know you.

It was pretty funny when I pulled my phone out of my bag and I found out you called me. I remember being surprised, speechless. I was happy you called but I couldn´t understand it. So as soon as I got out of school I texted you and I was jumping in joy when you replied and when you called me again. I picked up the phone and I ran outside the living room so no one could hear us. I wanted to keep the magic of the moment.

When I saw you it was like waking up after being asleep for a long time. It felt like taking a huge breath after holding air for so long. And it felt so freaking good. I could feel life running in my veins.  And when I heard you, when I listened to what you had to say, it was freeing. I saw you smile during all our call,  simply lovely.

You already know what we talked about, so I´m gonna skip that since it won´t make sense to anyone but us. All I can say is that I am delighted by the beauty of simple things that have such a deep impact, like that call.

I wasn´t thinking about my words and I didn´t stop myself from saying what I wanted to, and I think it was a good step, being able to be clear with you. I don´t know if I should let the butterflies spare through my whole body yet, so I think for once I´m going to try to go with the flow of spontaneity.

I know you already know how much I missed you, and now I know you missed me too; so I hope this time we make things right and let´s see what happens with us.