Saying goodbye

My sister asked me if this song reminded me of you because lately, I've been humming the lyrics with a peculiar nostalgia. She doesn't know this is the last song you sent me when we had the conversation that should have never happened. She doesn't know you are seeing someone new now. She doesn't know this love isn't going anywhere anymore. 

It stops at a closed door.
Even though you promised the door would always be open, someone else has the key. Some nights I come back, and sit outside. I call your name, but there is no love to take. When I think I can make up the sound of your breathing behind the peephole, it all goes quiet. 

What went wrong? Why did it end like this?

I imagine there will come a day when I've sat outside long enough that I will forget who the door belongs to, or how I even stumbled upon it in the first place. But moving on is so damn difficult, and empty.

I feel like a stupid fool for allowing myself to drown in tears whenever you decide to give me a little bit of attention to suddenly call it quits when you get bored. I allowed you to infiltrate into every corner of my life, I took pride in burning in your flames. When you looked at me with your brown squinty eyes, I felt weightless. My heart raced and my cheeks flushed betraying me. I might even dare to say you were my first love. And that's why I held hope that when you played the sick little attention games with me, perhaps one day you'd see how special I am, and you would choose me as the winner of your affection. 

When my mom said time is wise, I thought maybe I needed to be patient. Eventually, you would figure out it was me who you really wanted to be with. Now I know my mother meant that one day the hurt would go away. One day I would untangle myself from your deceitfulness. One day I would realize you were never good for me, even when you seemed like a cozy warm spot in this dim world.